Talking to others in the same situation is a way of normalising our experiences. It’s important to have links with other people, whether it’s through something like a peer support group or friends.

But what happens when the old network of friends is no longer around? For many, the experiences of losing friends and partners during those early years left a void. The idea of finding new social networks can be off- putting. As Alan says: “Lonely? Go to a group – but it’s not that simple”. Here, he reflects on his many losses and the difficulties in taking the first step to meet new people. When he did, he found some comfort in sharing his experiences and knowing that others were going through similar experiences.

When I talk to others I tend not to dwell on life’s challenges.

For Jeffrey, isolation is the biggest problem he faces. If we isolate ourselves we have more time to think about the challenges ahead.

Jeffrey: If you talk to a friend or go to a support group you tend not to dwell on life’s challenges. Peers help, because we share our experiences with each other. I actually love peer groups. It’s about getting in there and finding out what other people are doing, like what strategies they are using with their drugs (how they control side effects), and how they plan for the future?

Knowing there are people I can call is important.

Because women do not have the same social networks as gay men, finding good support is especially important. Helene, who cares for her children and partner, and is working fulltime, finds it difficult to make time for herself. For both Elaine and Helene, speaking to other positive women is vital.

Elaine: I’ve found two positive women who I’ve become very close to. I can ring them at two o’clock in the morning if I am upset and they can do the same to me. One of them is a bit younger than me and we complement each other. Having her in my life has made such a difference, because I know that no matter how I’m feeling she can empathise. She knows what I’m going through.

I think one of the hardest things for a lot of positive people is there are times when you need nurturing. Peer support is important especially in the heterosexual community. I mean the gay community’s got that; they’ve got that sussed. They support each other. The straight community doesn’t have that as much and it needs to be worked on.

Helene: Emotional support is important as well, and that would come from Pozhet or a positive women’s group, and also my social worker or counsellor. I don’t really have the time to go to things, but knowing there are people I can call is important. I do benefit from actually going regularly to something, but it’s tricky with distance and kids.

• Peer support, other social groups or enrolling in a course may be a good way to make new friends.
• You might connect with someone you can meet outside of the group. Telephone or email can be another way of getting or giving support.