A good relationship is about open communication, respect, love and taking responsibility. The dynamics in relationships can change over time, and at different times we want different things or we can be at a different stage in our lives. We all bring expectations to a relationship and it’s important to talk about them. We also bring baggage to a relationship and we need to find ways to deal with it.

Be flexible, adapt to changes and deal with differences. Be prepared to renegotiate the relationship and keep the conversation open.

Talk and listen to each other about what you both want from sex. This can help to decrease your anxiety about passing on HIV or getting HIV and make you more confident in sex. Condoms themselves can actually help with intimacy and confidence by reducing concerns around risk.

At the end of the day, love and a good relationship (and great sex) is less about HIV status and more about the connection between two people.

Relationships can be as varied as the individuals involved. There is no blueprint for a relationship.

Terry: I’ve had four significant relationships in my life and the guys haven’t been clones of each other. Each relationship has been different and each was good, bad or indifferent for its own reasons.

Getting to know each other takes time.

Nigel: It’s about communicating from the beginning of your relationship. When is a reasonable amount of time to find out what the boundaries are for each other? Is it different for each situation and person? It’s also about getting to know the person, which takes time. You can’t find out these things quickly.

Good communication involves being respectful to each other.

Ricki: relationships of any kind need good communication to keep them strong. I am open about my feelings with my partner. We talk about his needs in terms of what sort of information is important to have and what sort of sex we feel comfortable with. We respect each other’s decisions, and validate each other’s feelings.

Relationships are like most things in life they change.

Be prepared to grow, change and communicate those changes.

Bob: Our relationship has changed. I feel really comfortable in this relationship and growing with it. I don’t think we need to define ourselves as being in a relationship with x number of rules. Over time you really get to understand what the person’s about and you grow very close and you trust one another.

Communication is about time and place.

Neville: It’s knowing your partner well enough to pick the right time. After 14 years I know him well enough to know when I can talk to him about a particular issue. again you’ve got to find something that works for both. It’s personal dynamics as well. Sometimes it’s very hard to get heard, understood and acknowledged.

Communication can have its limits and you need to work out what are the important things to share.

John: There are unspoken rules of the heart, sometimes they can’t be articulated. You just feel around and get a sense of what your partner wants. Communication is more than verbal; there are also the ‘unspoken cues’.

Mick: There are different ways to communicate, so it's about being open and picking up the cues from your partner.

Be flexible because after all it’s about the dynamics between two people (at least).

Greg: Depending on the person you meet, what relationship you form with them can be completely different. Depending on who they are and where you are at that time, you can have different things happen. Even within the same relationship it can change as well.

Sometimes it’s better to leave things until the time is right.

Sometimes relationships end and it’s nobody’s fault. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have failed.

Sean: It’s a lot easier to work through the break up together because we can take care of each other. I don’t think it would work to completely lose contact with tony. We went through this together, and to be able to talk about the past and how we’re feeling now is important. Even though it hasn’t ended in an ideal situation, it’s still going to be a happy ending.

John: In a good relationship you want to be close, but paradoxically there are things you can’t share and there are things that you can’t discover about the other person. You want to, and that’s part of the relationship.

You may find it helpful to seek professional support for the issues that you and your partner have the most difficulty working out.